I find myself wanting love.
But if I’m to have it,
I have to show it.
But I have never shown love before,
As I thought, perhaps still do think,
That love should not be,
As much as hate should not be.
But, with the definitions I hear people give of love,
I think I must feel it
Especially the one where I forget or look past the differences.
Some say it’s because of love.
I said (or say) it is because I still want(ed) to be a child.
But a child knows no difference.
I said (or say) I was mixing innocence with experience – better.
Do I love?
Perhaps.
At least, it is better than hate,
So people say.
I have hardly felt hate.
But sometimes, I do not like a particular difference in someone?
Is that hate? Close to it?
Perhaps.
If so, I think it is better to love than hate.
I loved looking past the difference and hated focusing on a particular difference.
Perhaps, the people were right.
But why are you finding yourself wanting love?
I have seen too much.
I think I might not be a child anymore,
And I think I am now an adult.
Adults hate, love and experience all things in-between.
I find myself wanting love.
It is a better experience,
I think it should be.
I have too many feelings not forgotten,
And the people and events that brought them
Embedded in my memory.
Adaudo Anyiam-Osigwe from her book of poems A Little Understanding: Poems from the End of Childhood to the Beginning of Adulthood