Dear Dorothy,
I am a single girl in my late twenties. I am in a relationship with my former boss who is married. I want to end the relationship, and I have even quit my job to make it easier to do so. I am still in love with him, but I know that there is no future in this relationship. I really want to let him go, but I can’t. He calls every day, saying he misses me and I know he does. I know he cares about me and doesn’t want to let me go either, but I also know he does not want to leave his wife, and affect the stability of his children. Please advise – what should I do?
My dear,
I would have thought that a woman of your age could reason things out for herself. However, I do know that in matters of the heart, our emotions often dull our reasoning faculty.
But, let us reason together:
You are in love with this married man. Yes.
You think there is no future in it because he is married. Yes.
You quit working for him in your bid to try and end the relationship. Yes.
You are finding it difficult to cut loose because he calls you every day saying all sorts of sweet nothings. Yes.
To be in love with a man that says he loves you, but still lives with his wife is quite frankly a situation in which you are marking time with your emotional life. He needs to focus on his wife and you deserve your own husband. End it. You are hurting his wife and his children – they are not getting his full attention and love, which they rightly deserve.
Tell yourself the hard truth: this man is just having his fun with you. He loves his wife, and that’s why he’s still with her. You need to acknowledge the fact that he chose her not you.
Men like this hardly ever leave their wives. Forget his sweet talk, the lies like – “I don’t love her, and I’m not happy”. If that is the case, why are they still together? Action speaks louder than words. You are just his past time.
I think it is time you listened to your head and not your heart. It is easier said than done, but the pain wouldn’t even compare to the one you may have if you carry on with this relationship and years from now you are still on the same merry go round.
End it! You may struggle with the loneliness of not having a man in your life for a while, but you will get over it. Fill your time with other activities: go out with friends, visit relatives, and find other ways to occupy your thoughts that stop you from thinking constantly of him.
You are so young – find someone who can be yours and yours alone. One that his heart will belong to you.
I wish you well. Strive for the life you deserve!