By Mimi Adebayo
When Mark and Susan started dating, Mark told Susan he doesn’t like seeing her with her male friends. He said he would prefer she cuts off all ties with her male friends since she’s now dating him. According to him, he’s more than enough for her. Whenever they’re together and she receives a call, he is always curious to know who called and he occasionally goes through her phone looking for incriminating texts. He tells her that she belongs to him and he won’t have any man messing around with her.
Susan on the other hand is flattered by his attention but feels like he doesn’t trust her. He doesn’t need to call her every second of the day to know where she is and what she’s up to. She tells him she loves him and will never cheat on him.
There is a saying that goes thus; “a little jealousy in a relationship is healthy. It’s always nice to know someone’s afraid to lose you.”
I totally agree with this statement. I wonder how we would feel if the person we are with doesn’t feel a tinge of jealousy whenever we ‘flirt’ or spend more time with someone that isn’t them. Truth is, jealousy comes alongside the ‘love package’. There is the good/healthy jealousy which is entirely natural and expected. No matter the rules guarding a relationship, no one likes to feel threatened by the overwhelming presence of something or someone in their partner’s life that is not them.
The good/healthy jealousy often leads to communication between the couple. If you feel uncomfortable with something/someone in your partner’s life, simply communicate your concerns to them. Tell them what you feel about a certain someone and give them reasons why you feel jealous. It would be good to listen to our partners when they make such complaints especially when they are not the obsessive type.
On the other hand, the bad/unhealthy jealousy is the one that could be claustrophobic. It is the type exercised by Mark in our story. This kind usually culminates into an obsession, insecurity and lack of trust between the couple. It can also lead to paranoia, making up acts to support your jealous fits and thereby damaging your relationship more. There is no need to consistently check up on your partner especially when he/she has given you no reason to be suspicious. This can lead to the failure of a relationship because such jealousy projects insecurity and distrust.
Dear guys, telling your girlfriend to stop having male friends, is a fatal mistake that often backfires. Let her be, show her that you trust her enough to know when she’s crossing the line with her male friends and she will reward you by being open and honest with you.
Dear ladies, your man is not attracted to every beautiful lady that crosses his path or works with him at the office. Always remember that he chose you above others so that should count for something, besides admit that it gives you a jolt of pleasure to see a lady swoon over your man; it tells you that he’s not lacking in good looks.