By Yemisi Adegoke (@briticoyemo)
“Never talk to strangers,” is one of the first lessons a child in The Abroad is taught. Parents, guardians, teachers, babysitters, even the TV take turns to remind you that strangers are well, strange.
It’s a belief that provides a weird sort of comfort in adulthood, you can select who you talk to and embrace a self imposed cocoon if you wish. You can enjoy a Tube journey with your headphones in and when you accidentally make eye contact with a fellow commuter you simply break it and get on with your day.
In Lagos this is not the case.
I spend a sizeable chunk of the day saying hi to people I make eye contact with accidentally, and gatemen and gardeners and shop owners and people I ask for directions. Anyone and everyone really. I have learned, through being chastised on occasion, that not doing so is considered quite rude.
In any new place you have to learn the culture’s etiquette and norms and Lagos is no different. I thought what I knew from my Nigeria-lite existence would suffice. I was wrong.
Here are some of the forms of etiquette I’ve observed:
Ma/Sir/Aunty/Mummy: Prior to moving here I hadn’t addressed anyone as ‘sir’ since leaving school. I quickly learnt that anyone who has a hint of middle age about them can’t be referred to on a first name basis.
Curtesying: This one I knew about from way back when but I’ve discovered it’s more complicated than it seems at first glance. I have raised eyebrows with some of my attempts at conveying the adequate level of respect. But I seem to get getting it better at it.
The male/female dynamic: This covers a whole host of areas, and it’s something I struggle with, but one that seems to crop up often is the ‘who pays’ debate. Sure it’s always nice when someone else offers to pay (all hail free drinks), but it gets uncomfortable after a while. Money is power after all.
Left hand logic: I handed a lady something with my left hand, because my right hand was full and well, it’s my other hand, only to be told in quite harsh terms that was unacceptable.
Phone calls before 9am: Someone once called me at 5.20am. To say I was unhappy is the understatement of the century. If the sun is not awake there is a 99.8% chance I won’t be either. Early morning phone calls in my mind denote an emergency, not time to shoot the breeze about something that can wait until the roosters start crowing.
Naija time: There’s late, there’s African time and somewhere way down the list there’s Nigerian time. . When I first arrived I prepped myself for African time, it wasn’t until I once spent four hours waiting for a wedding to start I knew I was dealing with something entirely different.
Unscheduled visitation : Visiting someone’s house is usually a planned affair, there’s a time, there’s a dinner, drinks, if you’re lucky ice-cream. The first time someone called me to tell me they were outside my gate I was quite taken aback, but it’s something I’ve grown to quite like. Because surprises are fun and sometimes they come with snacks.
I’m still learning but if you guys have additional forms of etiquette I’ve left out, let me know in the comments before I offend someone.
Until next week!
Image: https://cdn.madamenoire.com