Many times I hear ‘love’ stories and I get speechless. What do you say about a woman whose husband demands that she brings her income on a love-coated platter every month to him in submission? “That’s what good wives do” he had claimed. She had always handed the money over and when he isn’t asking for the money, he is ensuring she pays all the domestic bills. She thinks she has had enough; poor wife is looking for counsel, what am I meant to say someone like that?
Or another who has shared her salary with the boo for 6 years because he had no job, then guy gets a job and 2 years later, he is set to work down the aisle with another girl. He claims ‘incompatibility’. I am here wondering, ‘did he just notice the incompatibility, or they were compatible when he had no job and the lady was fiancée and financier?
Or When Desmond married Tolu yet loved Ann. He had paid Tolu’s bills through school and would not even think of letting go that ‘huge’ investment for any reason. Not even the sweet love he has found with Ann would let him walk away from his project.
Love is a mystery, I may not know what love is, but I do know what it is not.
That thing that makes your heart stop breathing when you see the other person may not be love, but anxiety and nervousness. Love will not always take your breath away, fear will do that always.
That feeling that makes you hand over your monthly wages to a broke lazy ass is definitely not love but slavery. He is your master, you are the 21st century slave. And please, it’s not even submission.
That sheepishness that makes you leave your paid job that isn’t threatening any other thing but your cute-face boyfriend isn’t love. It is dominance he wants, money is a strong defense, if you don’t have it, you are short of one huge weapon when the lion in him is set to devour. Love is not dependency. Love is mutual growth, mutual competency and self-dependency.
That decision to marry him or her because you paid the bills is not love, it’s an investment. May you reap your dividends except it may not come as warmth like the people who are in love.
The relationship that shuts you out of the world and just into you two is not love. love is not exclusive. If she loves you, she will like and love the people around you or at least try. Shutting out your friends and the people that love you because ‘you found love’ always turn out to be a bad move. It is fear that brings on exclusivity, not love. Most times, there is something lurking in the corner that someone is trying to conceal, so the exclusivity.
If it is not passionately compassionate, thinking and working ways out to make you better and happy, it can’t be love. Dump it in the bin.
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