Dear Dorothy,
I never really realized that my father favours tribalism until I recently introduced the man I intend to marry to my family. My husband-to-be and I met during our Youth Service year. He is Igbo; I am Yoruba. We have been seeing each other for about 3 years. I am in love with him, but my father’s attitude is making things difficult for us. When he proposed to me and I took him to meet my parents, I was full of joy that I was getting married to the love of my life. You can imagine how I felt when my father gave him a very cold reception, and later told me he was not going to let me marry an Igbo man.
Over the past several months, I have done my best to convince my parents to give their blessing to the union, but I am making no progress. Dorothy, I am at my wits end! My fiancé will not marry me without my parents’ consent because his own parents will not be party to such an arrangement. What am I to do? I am sad and angry with my parents for trying to ruin my life.
My dear,
You have to be determined to convince your father that though you respect his opinion highly, if you do not marry this man with his consent you will never marry anyone again. You must be explicit that this man he is refusing is your choice by God’s grace, and you are sure of his love and loyalty and respect. Appeal to your father, that as a father you love so much, to please grant your request and take this young man as another son of his.
Do not speak to your father in anger and tell him that the country is one. One Nigeria irrespective of tribe, tongue or creed. Try not to rationalize this way – instead appeal to the love your father has for you, and the best he wants for you.Convince your father that you are very much in love with your fiancé, and you are sure your father will not regret his being a father to him also. Put it up to God in prayer and believe that your father will consent.
Good luck.