Dear Dorothy,
I am in my early forties and my husband about ten years older. We have three children the youngest of which is 15. I did think I had a good and happy marriage, and was certainly surprised when my husband asked for a divorce!Where did that come from? Just two weeks before, we were planning how we will celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary. My husband says he’s met another woman and wants a divorce so that he can marry her – she is 28.
Dorothy, I had no idea that there was any problem with our marriage. I am shocked and devastated. I do not want a divorce – I love my husband, and the children need their father. Please advice, I really don’t know what to do or who to turn to.
My Dear,
From what you said, I feel you do not know your husband as well as you think you do. Some men deliberately avoid frank discussions with their wives, and dress it up as an act to keep the peace. A lot of women take things like this for granted.
You have to talk to your husband and find out what went wrong in the relationship to make him take such a painful decision that will affect both you and the children. Urge him to be frank with you.
But, also let him know that you love him, and you are willing to take steps to make the marriage stronger, and address what he feels is lacking in the relationship.
I do not think that your husband is in his right frame of mind if he has never complained about anything before trying to do this. I also advise you do not complain to friends until you have had the frank discussion with your husband – let no third party be brought into this at this stage. And in the discussion, be calm – try as much as you can not to raise your voice while talking to him. I know you have been deeply hurt, but he can use this as an excuse not to speak to you. And remember to put your children at the center of this discussion – their lives are affected by your decisions.
Good luck.