Dear Dorothy,
My senior sister is in her early forties, and went through a divorce last year. Recently, she began dating a man who in my opinion is just not right for her. My sister is educated – she holds a doctorate degree, and is a company executive. I am not sure of the man’s educational background, but he is at best a National Certificate Holder. He also earns far less than her. He is certainly no match for her intellectually or in style.
I think that this man was able to sweep her off her feet because he was the first man to pay her any attention after her marriage broke up. My sister has admitted to me on several occasions that both their social and sex lives have nose-dived as the relationship has progressed. When they’re out with my husband and I, he is not friendly and makes sure they leave early.
How can I make my sister see that this relationship is not right for her and that she should end it quickly and move on?
My Dear
Your concern for your sister’s well being is quite commendable; however, you cannot live her life for her. She chose the man she is currently dating even though you do not approve of him and have made this know her.
My advice to you is to hold back on further comment or criticism of her man or herself, so that you do not get her back up and she goes on the defensive. Give her space. When next she confides in you that she is no longer happy with the relationship, you can ask her what would make her life better, then encourage her to follow her own suggestions. She’s the one who has to make the break, and she’ll do that only if she feels good about herself. Keep going on these double dates; stand by her and boost her ego at every opportunity.