By Michael Agene (IamAmic)
Is there a magic formula for making a relationship work? No. Well, maybe, if you seriously consider what you’re about to read.
A friend once said, “Guys are full of s*** and are not worth trusting, ever!” As a guy, I felt a bit insulted, but let’s get into their story. Perhaps, you know why she said that.
Their Love Story
On occasions, I’ve interrupted their romantic moments. One of which I met the guy reciting her the famed Shakespeare’s sonnet 18 – “shall I compare thee to a summer day?”
Their love was made in heaven (or so it seemed) and I was shocked to hear such statement from her. Theywere 3 months into the relationship when things started turning awry. I insisted to know exactly what happened, she opened up and here she goes:
“Since he started work, his attitude towards me changed; he no longer has time for me, sometimes when I call him, his tone isn’t friendly anymore…I just couldn’t bear it any longer, I had to quit…”
On the other hand, here’s what the guy said”
“Nothing has changed about my love for her, Michael. I’ve tried to be the same guy I was before I got the job, but I discovered I can’t. She keeps nagging me around that I don’t do this anymore and so on” he went on and on.
From the two sides, isn’t it plain what the problem is? I know the stress of work and other ‘boss-staff’ issues can make him act out of proportion, sometimes, but would he rather be jobless and give her all the time and attention in this world than get a job to better establish their relationship? Well, you can tell.
According to Newton’s third law of motion, for every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. This implies, your actions and reactions have pretty much everything to do with how far your relationship can go.
But here’s the kicker, sometimes we don’t even know when we do certain things. You remember that magic dinner? Then it happened, you said what you never meant to say? OK. Were you ever able to reverse that statement? No. but s(he) got angry; you ruined that perfect night, with a single statement.
Every so often, this happens, s***, of course, but must we respond directly to those s***?
Here’s The One Thing You Need
In relationships, you don’t set an expectation of how you should always be treated or responded to. Trust me, you’ll continually be disappointed.
However, when you learn to look beyond the actions to the reasons behind the actions, it will guide your reaction and your relationship will have a greater chance of survival. This is called emotional intelligence; the ability to understand what drives your actions and other people’s actions, asking the ‘why’ instead of concluding on the ‘what’ is being said or done.
You see, the unexpected issues of everyday life may bog us down, sometimes to the point we lose our minds and act out in ways we don’t really understand. It becomes worse when we don’t take out time to examine our feelings, motivations or the pressures and influences that have shaped us.
The end result? We are left paranoid, even towards our partner and that, you can tell from afar, is not a good road sign towards a lasting relationship.
If my friend had this understanding, she wouldn’t have left that relationship when she did but I’m glad they back together now.
Check! Check!! Check!!!
Take a minute and look into those hiccups in your relationship. What is really wrong? Is it a clear, obvious attitude from your partner or some issues s(he) can’t control. Put yourself in their shoes and see if you won’t act the same way.
Emotional intelligence is key to a long lasting relationship.
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