Laugh Quote
“My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: ‘What are you looking at?’” – Margaret Smith
Wise Guys Answer To Stupid Question
Question: What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law?
Wise Guy: A judge.
Corny Chat Up Line
Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
Business Joke
The Bet.
Employee: “I bet you $6,000 I can piss in your cup 30 meters away.”
Boss: “Ok I would like to see you try.”
Employee: As he moves on pissing all over the floor losing $6,000 not caring.
Boss: “Ha you just lost $6,000.”
Secretary: “God damn it!”
Boss: “What’s wrong?”
Secretary: “He bet me $100,000 he could piss all over your floor and you would be happy about it!”
Cutting Comment
“I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”
Married Life
The Only One.
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes, he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye, he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
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