Ah, childhood in a Nigerian home was a time of innocence, jollof rice, and some of the most imaginative “truths” you’ll ever hear. Nigerian parents, with their infinite wisdom and love, also happened to be some of the most creative storytellers. Whether it was to keep us in line, stop us from asking too many questions, or simply buy themselves a moment of peace, they could spin a tale so convincing, we’d carry it well into our teenage years.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane and relive some of the most memorable ‘lies’ our parents told us and how we swallowed them, hook, line, and sinker.
1. “If you swallow orange seeds, an orange tree will grow in your stomach.”
This one had us terrified of accidentally biting into a seed. The thought of sprouting branches from our bellies? Pure horror. It was only much later, in Biology class, that we discovered this was scientifically impossible and probably their way of keeping us from chomping down on fruit seeds like goats.
2. “Don’t whistle at night; you’re calling snakes!”
The fear this lie instilled! Even now, some of us hesitate to pucker up past sunset. It was the ultimate silencing tool, and honestly, it worked. Who wants to be responsible for inviting serpents into the house?
3. “If you eat too much sugar, ants will start dancing in your mouth.”
As children, this was all the warning we needed to resist sneaking sugar cubes from the kitchen. The mental image of ants doing dancing on our tongues was enough to send us running.
4. “When NEPA takes light, it’s because you didn’t do your homework.”
Somehow, our academic performance was directly linked to Nigeria’s erratic power supply. NEPA (now PHCN) must have had a vendetta against lazy children, or so we thought.
5. “If you shake your leg, it means you’re inviting poverty.”
Many a child was jolted mid-leg-shake with a sharp glare and this ominous statement. Apparently, your innocent fidgeting could bankrupt the whole family. Who knew?
6. “Your mates are out there winning awards, and you’re here watching TV.”
A classic! It didn’t matter what time of day it was; somewhere, someone your age was outshining you in academics, athletics, or even life. It was meant to motivate, but mostly just left us stressed and guilty for daring to relax.
7. “I’ll buy it for you tomorrow.”
That tomorrow never came. From snacks in the market to that toy at Mr Bigg’s, this phrase was the ultimate pacifier. Sometimes, we’d even dress up and wait by the door the next day in vain.
8. “If you tell lies, your tongue will fall out.”
Forget lying after hearing this, some of us didn’t even speak unless absolutely necessary. And if we did lie and nothing happened? We convinced ourselves it was only a matter of time.
9. “When you grow up, you’ll understand.”
As kids, this was frustrating. As adults, we now say it to younger ones with the same tone of finality. Ah, the circle of life!
10. “I brought you into this world, I can take you out.”
Spoken during heated moments, this was the ultimate trump card. We didn’t know what it meant exactly, but it was terrifying enough to immediately correct any behaviour.
While many of these ‘lies’ may seem amusing now, they were also part of a larger cultural narrative, one where discipline, fear, and love intertwined in very Nigerian ways. Our parents meant well. They raised us with the best intentions and a good dose of humour. They might not have always had the facts, but they definitely had our attention.