Laugh Quote
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson
Wise Guys Answer To Stupid Question
Question: Did I do something wrong, officer?
Wise Guy (police officer): No, today we’re giving tickets out for doing things right.
Corny Chat Up Line
Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more.
Business Joke
A man was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said “Help Wanted,” so the man ran in the store and yelled out, “What’s wrong?”
Cutting Comment
“Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”
Married Life
One To Remember
An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going?” He replied, “To the kitchen.” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?” He replied, “Sure.” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” He said, “No, I can remember that.”
She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that.” He said, “I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.” She replied, “Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down.”
With irritation in his voice, he said, “I don’t need to write that down! I can remember that.” He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: “I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!”
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