Laugh Quote
“Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.” – Will Ferrell
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!
Pile Of Dung
There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them “Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in.”
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out “Bananas!” and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out “Money!” and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells “Oh Shit!”
Wise Guys Answer To Stupid Question
Question: Did you catch that fish?
Wise Guy: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
Corny Chat Up Line
When I first saw you I looked for a signature, because every masterpiece has one.
Business Joke
I’m not having much luck with jobs lately:
I couldn’t concentrate while in the orange juice factory.
I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn’t cut it as a barber.
I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.
I didn’t fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded.
Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.
Cutting Comment
“You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”
Married Life
Animals
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
“Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”