Laugh Quote
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”– Alan Dundes
Wise Guys Answer To Stupid Question
Question: Do you need to eat that?
Wise Guy: I thought that you were a barrister, are you also a dietitian?
Teacher And Student
Where have all the pencils gone?
A student to his teacher: “I haven’t got no pencil.”
Teacher, correcting him: “You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”
Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?”
Corny Chat Up Line
I want to live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
Business Joke
New location
A new small business was opening and one of the owner’s friends arranged for flowers to be sent to mark the occasion and wish the owner luck.
The flowers duly arrived at the new business site and the business owner read the accompanying card to find it said, “Rest in Peace”.
The business owner rang his friend and told him what the card read. The friend was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should consider this… somewhere there’s a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.'”
Cutting Comment
“Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”
Married Life
What’s the Secret?
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
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