LAUGH QUOTE
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. – Sacha Guitry
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Amish
Amish Who?
Amish you that’s why I’m here.
Wise guy’s answer to stupid question
QUESTION: Why do couples hold hands during weddings?
WISE GUY: It is just a formality. Like “2 boxers”, they shake
hands before the fight begins.
IT’S ALL WORK
I know some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
TRAILER
Q. Have you seen the movie called The Tractor?
A. I haven’t, but the trailer looks really good!
LOCAL DELICACY
The long distance lorry driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a roadside restaurant. It contained dark looking ingredients — but three of them looked very suspicious.
“Hey,” he called out to the waitress, “these particles in my soup — aren’t they foreign objects?”
She scrutinized his bowl. “No, sir!” she reassured him. “Those things live around here.”
IN THE PICTURE
To check the character of the prospective personal assistant, the boss says: “Let’s assume you go to my house and ring the doorbell. My wife invites you in, but tells you that I won’t be home for another two hours. What would you do?”
The applicant hesitates, and then asks, “Could you let me see a picture of your wife?
I PLEDGE TO NIGERIA MY COUNTRY
…. Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note.
…. Where groundnuts are sold in bottles and water sold in sachets.
…. Where you can drive around for years without a driver’s
license
…. Where Presidents and other government officials don’t know
the national anthem
…. Where the police on a roadblock make more money in a day
than the transporters and their owners.
…. Where you are jailed for stealing a goat and others given
chieftaincy titles for stealing billions of naira.
…. Where you get the justice you pay for not the one you deserve.
…. Where we gain University admission not on merit but who
you know.
…. Where you don’t know when you will graduate from University because the lecturers are always on strike.
…. Where on graduation you become a Motorcycle (Okada) passenger operator because there are no jobs to be had.
…… THAT DESPITE ALL THESE AND MORE, I WILL NEVER LOOSE MY SENSE OF HUMOUR.
Funny court transcript
This is from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Image Source: huffpost.com