By Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe
Time: In today’s world of instant coffee, sound bite news clips, and heady rush around, it is not surprising that most people have taken to the mindset that “sex must be spontaneous”. But let’s get real here, what are we really saying? The dictionary defines “spontaneous” – impulsive,unprompted, spur-of-the-moment, so going by these definitions, in my opinion “spontaneous sex” is a recipe for unsatisfactory sex. Sex is an expression of love and loving. It is not an impulsive act. It is to be savored. Sex with your partner like most things in our lives should be planned. Where is spontaneity going to fit in here? You have to be realistic about your sex life. Plan it. How else are you going to get to it and enjoy it?
Talk: Do you know, most couples do not talk about their sex life? They just do it. A couple’s sex life is enhanced when they take time to talk before, during and after the act. How they are faring, how they want to be touched, what they want done, and how they are feeling. Pillow talk really works wonders to your sex life.
Trust: Love, loving and sex works best in a relationship where couples trust each other. Trust makes partners comfortable with one another and this makes it easy for them to express their feelings for each other without inhibition. People who have affairs develop consequent trust issues. This spells disaster for a good sex life. Having emotional relationships without physical sex on the Internet can also be cheating – cybersex is very explicit. Don’t do it.
Touch: We thrive on touching. Loving expressions – caressing, holding hands, stolen kisses are great for your love life. Try to keep the home harmonious. When we are really angry we don’t want to be touched. If your partner is angry with you, he or she is unlikely to want to be intimate. Work at keeping your relationship friendly and loving, it is great for intimacy.
Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe is the co-author of HIV/AIDS Education Quiz Book to be republished under the Pride Publications imprint in 2014 . He is also the co-author of Things I Wish Mummy and Daddy Told Me About Sex: A Sex Education Quiz Book to be published by Pride Publications in 2015
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