Holy Humour
By His Grace
A man dies and is met by Peter at the pearly gates.
Peter says, ‘You need 100 points to make it into Heaven. Tell me all of the good things you’ve done and I’ll give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.’
‘Okay,’ the man says, ‘I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.’
‘That’s wonderful,’ says Peter, ‘that’s worth three points!’
‘Three points?’ the man exclaims. ‘Well, I attended church all of my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service.’
‘Terrific!’ says Peter, ‘that’s certainly worth a point.’
‘One point? OK, well I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for the homeless.’
‘Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,’ Peter says.
‘TWO POINTS!’ the man cries. ‘At this rate, the only way I’ll get into Heaven is by the Grace of God!’
‘Come on in!’
Sunday Quote
Confession without repentance is just bragging. – Rev. Eugene Bolton
The Sunday Joke
Local Call
Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un start a nuclear war and die at the same time. They are greeted at the gates of hell by the Devil, who explains that they can make one final call, but such calls may be VERY expensive. Since they’re rich and can’t take it with them, all three agree. Putin calls Russia and talks for five minutes; the charge is one million dollars. Jong-Un calls North Korea and talks for ten minutes; the cost is two million dollars. Trump calls his family and talks big for hours, but the cost is only five cents. A seething Putin demands to know why Trump got off so cheap. The smirking Devil explains: “Since he became president the US has gone to hell, so it’s a local call!”
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