Holy Humour
Slight push
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late … But please don’t shove me either!”
Sunday Quote
They think, therefore I Am. – God
The Sunday Joke
How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?
Quakers: None; the light comes from within.
Church of Christ: None; light bulbs aren’t mentioned in the Bible, so it would be unscriptural.
Catholics: None; they use candles. (However, they will consider commissioning a very expensive stained glass window!)
United Methodists: None; they refuse to rate one bulb over another.
Lutherans: None; they don’t believe in change.
Unitarian Universalists: None, since even the darkest bulb must be saved.
Amish: None. “What the hell is a light bulb?”
Charismatics: Only one, but their hands are already in the air.
Mormons: Just one, but only after all the pre-teen wives have made it to the school bus.
Jehovah’s Witnesses: Three; one to change the bulb and two to knock on your door and ask if you’ve seen the light!
Pentecostals: Ten; one to change the bulb and nine to pray away the spirit of darkness.
Episcopalians: Ten; one to put in the new bulb and nine to discuss how much better whale blubber candles were in the past.
Nazarene: Ten; one woman to replace the bulb while nine men review church lighting policy.
Baptists: At least three committees, and another group to make sure there’s plenty of iced tea, fried chicken and potato salad.
Zionists: One to change the bulb and 7.8 million to accuse Edison, GE, tungsten and electricity of being anti-Semitic.
Buddhists: All of them, since they are in unity with everything.
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