HOLY HUMOUR
A pastor places his order at the pet store: “I need at least 50 mice, 2000 ants and as many of those little silverfish you can get.” The clerk replies, “We can probably do that, but it might take some time. Mind if I ask why you are placing such an unusual order?” The pastor replied, “I’ve accepted a call to another church and the congregation council told me to leave the parsonage the way I found it.”
RARE GEM
Man: I want to divorce my wife. She hasn’t spoken to me in 6 months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard to find!
THE SUNDAY JOKE
Freezer
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. How’d you die?” the first man asks the second. ”I froze to death,” says the second. “That’s awful,” says the first man. “How does it feel to freeze to death?” ”It’s very uncomfortable at first,” says the second man. “You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping. How about you, how did you die?” ”I had a massive head injury,” says the first man. “You see, I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one has hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I hit the top step, I tripped, fell three flights of stairs, and landed square on the back of my head. Dead.” The second man shakes his head, “That’s so ironic,” he says. “What do you mean?” asks the first man. “If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”