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Man-to-Man is a weekly column that appears every Friday on Pride Magazine Nigeria Online. It is a column for men written by men that aim to encourage and empower our male readers to become Better Men in all spheres of life.
We welcome contributions to this column and topics can cover all the gamut of life and living: Career, power, politics, finance, love, dating, sex, fashion, grooming, health, fitness, cars, life, spirituality, and what have you.
Welcome to Man-to-Man.
Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe Coordinator
By Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe
It was Thomas Fuller who said – “He knows little who will tell his wife all he knows.”So here are a few secrets best kept to yourself for a successful relationship.
Lustful Thoughts About Someone Else – Keep these to yourself, if you voice them out you are definitely going to hurt your partner’s feelings.
Fears – If you are afraid of the cat, rats, cockroaches etc. you had better not let your woman know. She may think you’re not man enough.
Looks – Criticizing your partner’s looks or appearance is one sure way to hurt her, so best you keep your opinion to yourself.
Openly admiring someone else –Avoid expressions in an unguarded moment when you are with her like “Wow! She’s hot!” She knows you admire other girls from afar, but she just doesn’t need it thrown in her face.
My ex would…- Don’t go there! Do not compare your current girl to your ex, whether it is favorably or otherwise. She trusts that you’ve moved on… completely. Bringing up your ex in any light brings this all into question. Telling her how your last girl did this or that will result in her fretting about you still pining after your ex. You are inventing unhappiness, misunderstanding and arguments. Don’t forget that most girls develop an instant and all-encompassing hatred for a guy’s ex-girlfriend once they begin dating. It is best never to bring up an ex in any circumstance.
Avoid criticizing her girl friend(s) – Girls have a special kind of loyalty. So criticizing or calling one of her girlfriends names is going to cause you pain even if it is true. If you want to keep your relationship on an even keel you have to respect her friend(s).
Mind your language- When things get emotive, many people are susceptible to the old “talk before you think” routine, and some pretty nasty things can be said. But calling her the worst-of-the-worst cuss word can wreak your relationship.
Don’t put yourself down- Avoid saying stuff like “I’m not good enough for you.” Women like their man to be confident and self-assured. Trying for sympathy by being down on yourself will only gain you disrespect not love.
Love lines- “If you really loved me you would…” This lame, overused line of reasoning rarely (if ever) works. Actually, the only thing it succeeds in doing is making you look like a Dumbo who cannot try to come up with something “original”. This is guaranteed to make the girl in question wonder what she is doing with a character like you.
Comparison with mothers- Just don’t go there. If it is her mother, girls do love their mothers no doubt. However, saying to them –“You are just like your mother “ is a red flag. They know their mothers more than you can ever get to know them. For a start, their mother is older, are you inferring that they look old? Fat like mummy? So avoid problems whether you are right or not. You might mean this as a compliment, but your girl is not likely to see it that way and is a surefire way to turn her off. As a counter, don’t every try to bring your own mother into the comparison play – All hell will break loose.
‘Darling I have got a headache’- Women can use just about any excuse in the book to put off sex. However, if you try it when she is in the mood, boy, it can be the beginning of the end.She may think it is a rejection and that you no longer find her attractive. This is one area you have to know how to handle sensitively. You can try to explain to her rationally, but what she will hear is you telling her she’s fat, or undesirable or you have someone else in mind.
Fashion statement-Women love to dress up, therefore if you have any opinion about her outfit, your best bet is to be economical with your criticism when not in agreement with her outfit. If she is wearing it, she liked it enough to spend money on it, so your comment brings her tastes into question. Figure out a subtle way to voice your opinion on her choice of clothes.
Don’t be a crybaby- Women generally are more openly emotional than men. We as men do our darndestto bottle up our emotions. However, when your significant other gets emotional, please, please, don’t say to her – “Don’t get so emotional!” There are better ways of expression that do not include resorting to this clichéd response to her display of emotion.
So be a man of few words. As the saying goes – A word is enough for the wise.