When did having a child outside wedlock become glorified? Times have changed and what was unacceptable is fast becoming a norm.The shame associated with having illegitimate children applies no more. A lady took pride in having children under the confines of the marriage institution. Wearing the ‘Mrs’ badge of honour showed that the lady is lawfully wedded to a man called her husband. Now, ladies seem to prefer to be mistresses than wives.
‘Baby mama’ originated from Jamaica Creole, which is literally ‘baby- mother’ pronounced ‘bebi-mada’. It described mothers of illegitimate children. This implies that there is not a common law of marriage or any form of customary rite. It has become a general acceptable term for single mothers across the globe.
Why would a lady rather be a baby mama than a lawfully wedded wife? The reasons are multifaceted. A lady would not likely want to spend the rest of her life with a man that undeserving of her. If he is irresponsible and disrespects her, she would rather remain single with children than be in a toxic marriage.
Another factor is age. As lady grows older, her marital prospects reduces. To meet up with her biological clock, she would deem it important to have children at least to show to be respected in the society. Hence, she hooks up with any available man for the sake of child bearing with or without no attachment. This is just to ensure that she is not robbed off motherhood. The society respects women with children than those without children are of marriageable ages.
An then, if the man involved is a celebrity, he becomes a big catch. Having a child for a celebrity automatically upgrades the woman to a celebrity status. More so, she would enjoy child support and other things that come with being a celebrity. In some other cases, life happened. The man and lady got into an entanglement. One thing led to another and a baby was on the way. The man shows no commitment or is not ready so the lady instead of having an abortion births the child. Or perhaps the baby’s father is a married man and is unwilling to divorce his wife or take another wife. So it leaves the lady in question with her baby.
Being brought up by strict parents, I could not have a boyfriend or let alone bring a man home until I had finished my NYSC. My overprotective mother’s eyes seemed to follow me everywhere I go. Her reprimanding voice was my conscience. It was a taboo to be involved in premarital sex. It also stretched to the whole neighbourhood area. Most of us were brought up under strict surveillance.
However, when a friend of mine, then in the same compound, got pregnant outside wedlock. The news spread like wildfire. Her mother was a little more receptive, but her father would have none of that nonsense. After he found out, she had to leave the house lest she face the repercussions. She had to leave the house and stay with someone else in another neighbourhood until the baby was born. It was that bad. That her father was a pastor made the situation more critical.
What is wrong is wrong so let’s call a spade a spade. There is no need to be reduced to a baby mama. Any man that wants to put a baby in it should take the steps and put the ring on it.
Written by Patricia Uyeh