The issue of who needs marriage may not cross many people’s mind. It may be taken for granted that both men and women need it in equal proportion. But a close examination of the subject will show that though both men and women need marriage, the zeal to get married is what makes the difference. It may seem that between men and women, it is the female folk who actually yearn for marriage with all their soul. But, is this really the case?
In African societies it is seen as a norm for a woman from age thirteen to about age thirty to get married. However, once she gets into her thirties unmarried, tongues begin to wag, with wild speculations as to why she is being left on the shelf. By this time the woman is seen as needing spiritual help according to popular expectations. It’s would be conveniently forgotten that men are not readily available for marriage. Men, on the other hand, are luckier in terms of age. If they are not married at the age 35 it is seen as a normal thing; a man might even decide to marry at age 50 if he chooses – he is a man. But this late marriage by men has its obvious disadvantages, because growing up with your kids or even being a grandfather has its own priceless pleasures.
So, as presently constituted, it seems that it is women who need marriage most. Single motherhood is viewed unfavorably in our society; it is looked on with disdain, and even outright disapproval. Such women become the butt of lewd jokes; and unfortunately seen as an easy target for fun-seeking men who often hover for an easy fling. So a woman needs marriage for the respect that goes with the title, MRS. It accords a woman respectability and uncommon dignity. Also, in some cultures, a woman does not have a home until she goes to her husband’s home. Her parent’s home is home for her brother(s) and is not hers. This accounts for the inability of women to inherit landed property in her father’s house in some of our cultures. In her husband’s home, it is her male children who own landed properties; else they go to the husband’s brothers if she had no male children of her own.
On the other hand, a man can have children outside matrimony and nobody may comment on it because it is seemingly normal. Problem arises if he makes no will before he dies. In any case, nobody would describe his out of wedlock children as ‘bastards’, which is the case with a single mother’s children.
Marriage defines a woman’s sexual needs. Marriage is supposed to tame her sexual desires and keep her from jumping from one bed to another. But honestly speaking, we all know that marriage has never stopped some women from expressing themselves sexually outside their matrimonial home. Such women are easily condemned. But men’s sexual excesses rarely attract condemnation as they can marry as many women as they wish, and have even more as mistresses. In any case, that more than one woman would agree to marry one man is a tacit affirmation that they need marriage more than men. Rarely would two men knowingly tangle with one woman; at least not when she is married.
Nevertheless, it is not morally correct for a man and a woman to have children outside wedlock. When the children grow up, they would ask questions. But the woman bears the burnt of such questions more especially as male children would want to know their fraternal roots. They (male kids) always insist on knowing who ‘daddy’ is. And the mother had better have the answers!
A man needs to marry to actualize his dream of raising the children that will keep the family name going. Marriage makes a man more responsible. A woman’s biological clock is enough pressure for her to marry; but the man’s is a non-stop clock.
Nevertheless, marriage is good and honorable for both a man and a woman. It is an age-old institution with divine blessings, which has no substitute or even rival. For a man and a woman, the golden rule is, MARRY.