You Think You’ve Moved On? Check Again!

By Mimi Adebayo

Tracy and Chima just parted ways after a painful breakup and they’re both finding it difficult to cope especially seeing that they still have strong feelings for each other. They however are handling the break up differently. Tracy is acting on adrenaline. She claims that she’s fine and life couldn’t be better. She doesn’t like to talk about Chima or the memories they shared; to her, the past is the past and she strongly believes she’s moved on. Chima on the other hand is about ready to jump into the sack with the nearest girl he can lay his hands on. That’s his way of saying he’s moved on and forgotten Tracy.

 Now, we see two different human beings handling a painful situation in different ways. Which do you think relates to you more? Do you think any of their ways of ‘moving on’ is the best?

In my humble opinion, I think that the phrase ‘moving on’ has been misinterpreted and maligned because the truth is; moving on isn’t a one day thing. It is definitely not as easy as it is portrayed to be.

There is no prescribed way of moving on and forgetting your ex but I will strongly opine that ‘moving on’ entails finding who you are again without your ex because whether we know it or not, our partner has a lot to do with who we are. When we are dating someone, we find ourselves doing things that we were not used to, just as a form of adjusting to that person. It is normal, not pretence. It is compromise. So, you realise that when you’re over with the person, you are a different person from who you were before you met him.

 Well, moving on starts from slowly but surely readjusting that personality to suit just you. And you cannot do that by dashing into another relationship.

People who go from one relationship to the other, will, more often than not, end up with more rebound relationships than true love and they will also find it difficult being themselves when single. And as we know, it is essential that you know yourself so you can be able to define to whoever you meet who you are and what you want.

Here are a few pointers on how to deal with breakups and think of moving on:

• Do not put yourself down. There’s a tendency for your self -esteem to get damaged after going through a bad breakup. You begin to feel you’re no good and trust me low self -esteem is least attractive to anyone.
• Try not to spend too much time alone because that’s when you’re most vulnerable. You might be tempted to call the ex and make a mess of yourself and hell, you might even be tempted to commit suicide yes, I said it! People get that depressed after a bad breakup that suicide actually crosses their mind. So surround yourself with friends and family who will keep you company and get your mind off it.
• Next, put away all personal souvenirs. There are the things you can’t do away with, like the memories but the ones you can toss away; please do. You do not need personal reminders of your lost love.
• Enjoy being single again. Do not; I repeat, do not rush into another relationship immediately. That will be the death of you because you will not be being fair to your new partner.

And remember, moving on is a process, it cannot be achieved in a day, so do not be afraid if it seems like your recovery is quite slow; trust me, it will come eventually.