“14 percent of married women cheat.” – Bradford Wilcox, Ph.D. (Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia). The means that 86% of married women are faithful to their husbands. However, if you are unfortunate to be in the relatively small percentage that is faced with the dilemma of a cheating wife, what can you do? This is a complex question.
If you do find out that your wife is cheating on you, you may want to carefully approach the subject.
- No matter how angry you are, do not get violent. Threats or physical violence can be counter productive. It may even land you in jail.
- Discovery of infidelity comes with many different emotions. Will you loose your wife? Is this the end of your marriage? How will friends and family react? How do you deal with the ‘shame’? So, you have to get a hold of your emotions so that you can deal with the situation rationally.
- As hard as it may be, calming approaching the situation can better allow you and your wife to have an honest discussion.
Do you want to save your marriage?
If you do, the more reason for you to check your emotions and approach the problem with a level head. If you think you can go on with the marriage, you will be in a position to handle the process. If you don’t allow your emotions to get the better of you. On the other hand if it will end in divorce, you will also be well positioned if you don’t allow your emotions to guide your decisions.
If you want to save your marriage:
- It might be advisable to discuss with an older married man of your acquaintance who has been married for many years. Talking to him will help you process the situation you now find yourself and the emotions you are dealing with and guide you in the steps you need to take to save the marriage.
- Don’t share your marital problems with anyone who will not be useful in achieving your desired goal. Only discuss with those you know can be helpful because you need a support system to deal with the situation. It is important that you know you are not alone.
- Don’t allow your anger to cause you to talk to too many people this may end up being counter productive in that if you save your marriage, you don’t want people judging you or your wife. Your marital problems are your business; keep it private and confidential.
- Get a handle on your emotional and physical needs.
- Decide and be clear on those friends and family members who you can rely on for support and advice. The fewer, the better.
- Be mindful of your emotional well-being and take steps to safeguard it so that you do not make yourself ill because your emotions are all over the place.
- A balanced diet and regular exercise will help with your physical well-being. Exercise is useful in stress alleviation.
- Protect your legal rights in case your wife’s infidelity leads to divorce so it may not be a bad idea to consult with a divorce attorney. The consultation will help you understand your legal divorce rights and how to protect yourself and your marital assets.
- In confronting your wife about her betrayal, don’t confront her in front of your children if you have children and try to keep your voice at a reasonable level. Make sure to keep a hold on your emotions thus ensuring that the confrontation with your wife will be civil and polite giving the discussion a good chance of getting your desired results.
If your marriage has reached the end of the road because you or your wife wants out, you may want to exercise some patience and see if the affair dies out. If it does not, you can then file for a divorce and get on with your life.
In all your considerations, always bear in mind that you are the victim in this situation so do not allow your wife to dictate how you choose to respond to her unacceptable behavior. You did not cheat on her, so it is you who can define what is and isn’t acceptable marital behavior in the context of your marriage. It is up to you to decide what steps you need to take for your physical, mental and emotional well-being.
Dealing with infidelity is not easy. You just have to make the best of a bad situation.