Dear Dorothy,
I’m about to get married, and while I’m beyond excited to start this new chapter, I’m wrestling with a big decision: changing my last name. I’ve always felt a deep connection to my maiden name; it’s part of my identity and a link to my family history. My fiancé is supportive overall, but he’s hinted that it would mean a lot to him if I took his last name. I don’t want this to become a source of tension or seem like I’m rejecting our union, but I feel strongly about keeping my name. How do I balance my feelings with his, without compromising who I am?
— Sylvia
Dear Sylvia,
First, take a deep breath and know that your feelings are entirely valid. Choosing whether or not to change your last name is a deeply personal decision, and it’s okay to feel conflicted about it. Names carry history, family pride, and a unique sense of self—things that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this, which is already a fantastic start.
Talk openly with your fiancé about why your maiden name means so much to you. You could let him know that your choice isn’t about rejecting his name, but about holding onto something that’s been part of you for as long as you can remember. In turn, ask him to share why this is important to him. He may see it as a symbol of unity or tradition, and understanding his perspective can help you both find common ground.
There are creative solutions if you’re both open to compromise! Some couples hyphenate, combine, or even choose to adopt a shared name that reflects both of their histories. Another option is keeping your maiden name professionally while adopting his name in your personal life—or vice versa.
Whatever you decide, make sure it feels true to you. Starting this new chapter should be about honouring both of you as individuals and as a team. A loving marriage is built on respect and compromise, not on a name alone. Remember, there’s no “one right way” to become a family.
Wishing you clarity and joy as you begin this beautiful journey together.
— Dorothy