Dear Agony Aunt,
I’m struggling with my partner’s stinginess, and it’s starting to affect our relationship. He’s great in many ways, but when it comes to spending money, especially on things that make life enjoyable, he becomes incredibly tight-fisted. We split everything down to the last penny, and even though we both work full-time, he seems obsessed with saving. I don’t expect extravagant gifts or lavish dates, but it would be nice if he showed a bit of generosity. Am I being unreasonable? How can I handle this without making him feel attacked?
Signed,
Tasha
Dear Tasha,
It sounds like you’re dealing with a tricky issue that many couples face, and it’s great that you’re addressing it now rather than letting resentment build up. Money habits are often rooted in deep beliefs or past experiences, so what may look like stinginess to you might be a reflection of how he was raised or his personal financial fears. Still, a relationship needs balance, especially when it comes to emotional and financial generosity.
The key here is open communication—without making him feel like you’re accusing him of being cheap. Instead, frame the conversation around how you feel. You could say something like, “I appreciate how careful you are with money, but sometimes I feel like it’s impacting our ability to enjoy life together.” This shifts the focus from his behaviour to the emotions the behaviour is causing.
Also, it’s worth digging deeper to understand why he’s so focused on saving. Is he worried about future financial security? Does he feel pressured to meet certain goals? Finding out the root cause could help you work together on a solution that feels fair to both of you.
Another important point is to make sure you’re aligned on financial values. If you’re someone who values spending on experiences or small gestures of affection, and he prioritises financial restraint above all else, it might be worth exploring compromises. For example, could you set aside a “fun budget” every month for small outings or date nights that don’t break the bank but still let you enjoy quality time?
Lastly, keep an eye out for balance. If his frugality is affecting the health of your relationship—both emotionally and practically—it’s crucial to evaluate whether this is something you can live with long term. Financial habits can be worked on, but a lack of generosity in spirit is a deeper issue that might require more than just a conversation.
Remember, love isn’t about who spends what, but about shared experiences and feeling valued. If you can find that middle ground, your relationship can grow stronger.
Best of luck,
Agony Aunt