Dear Dorothy,
My best friend died suddenly and I feel devastated. I’ve known her since my school days and have been with her through all the ups and downs of life. I was so happy for her when her sons were born. She was utterly thrilled to be a mum.
I shall miss her dreadfully and I feel so sad for her boys and her husband. To be honest I feel sad for me too – I really miss her. I help her family as much as I can but I feel so desperately lonely inside. How do I cope?
Yours Faithfully,
Caroline
Dear Caroline,
My heart goes out to you. The loss of a loved one is always very painful but when it happens so suddenly and without warning it can seem so overwhelming. While you have huge compassion for her family, do please find the same for yourself – of course, you’re going to feel desperately sad and lonely without her. This is only natural. You will learn to come to terms with your loss but there is no way around the grieving process. You can’t really avoid it – as I always say, the only way is through it.
The stages of grief include shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and are not always in that order. Grieving can jump about between them as well. There are often guilt feelings too, even when there is absolutely no need for them. As you will have discovered, grief comes in waves. You can be walking around feeling okay, and then suddenly a wave will knock you off balance. But believe me, you learn to surf them. Talking about your friend and remembering all your lovely times together will help. Corny as it is to say it, time really does heal.
Yours Truly,
Dorothy