Dear Dorothy,
I am a 29-year-old woman, and I have lived with a fear of water for as long as I can remember. I am not talking about drinking water or having a bath, but large bodies of water such as swimming pools, rivers, lakes and the sea. Even standing close to deep water makes my heart race and my palms sweat.
This fear has started to affect my life. Friends invite me on beach holidays, boat trips and poolside gatherings, but I often make excuses because I feel embarrassed. I also worry about my safety because I never learned how to swim.
I cannot recall a specific incident that caused this fear, although my parents once told me I had a frightening experience in a pool as a young child. I feel silly because other people seem to enjoy water so much, yet for me it is a source of anxiety.
How can I overcome this fear and stop it from controlling my life?
-Fatima
Dear Fatima,
First, please know that you are not silly, weak or unusual. Many people live with an intense fear of water, a condition known as aquaphobia. Fears often develop from past experiences, stories we have heard, or even events we no longer consciously remember.
The good news is that fears can be managed and, in many cases, greatly reduced over time.
Begin by being kind to yourself. Avoid comparing your experience with those of others. What feels harmless to one person can feel overwhelming to another.
Next, consider taking small and manageable steps. You do not need to dive into the deep end, literally or figuratively. You might start by spending time near water in a place where you feel safe, such as sitting by a pool with a trusted friend. Over time, you could progress to dipping your feet in shallow water or attending beginner swimming lessons with an instructor who understands anxiety.
Breathing exercises and relaxation techniques can also help calm the body when fear arises. Anxiety often creates physical symptoms, but learning to slow your breathing can reduce the sense of panic.
If your fear is significantly affecting your social life, confidence or sense of freedom, speaking with a counsellor or therapist could be very beneficial. Therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy have helped many people gradually overcome specific fears.
Learning to swim is not simply about recreation. It is a valuable life skill that can improve both safety and confidence. However, this journey should happen at your pace and in an environment where you feel supported.
Remember, courage is not the absence of fear. It is taking small steps despite it. One day, you may discover that what once seemed impossible has become manageable.
Be patient with yourself. Every small victory counts.
Warm regards,
Dorothy