Are you thinking of starting a new relationship with marriage in view? You need to pause and have a rethink. Relationships are not for kids. It is for the matured and this is not a function of age. While some people just date for fun, those who know what they want and are thinking long term know that it is another form of investment. Just like any investment, it would cost you something- time, money, emotions, space and more. To start a serious relationship, you need to be intentional and let go of child-like attitudes. It is adviusable to have a checklist of what you seek to expect from your realtionship, these tips would help:
1. Be specific on what you want
First things first. Identify what you want out of a relationship. Think big picture here. Maybe you want to see multiple girls/guys at one time to play the dating circuit. Or maybe you want to fall in love and be in a monogamous relationship. Whether casual or committed, relationships are much easier (and more fun) if you know what you want out of the experience before you start one. List out the qualities you are looking for in a partner. Next, whittle it down to qualities you can’t live without. Consider only dating people who make your short list. Why? It’s simple: You’re more likely to find the relationship you want.
2. Share ypour intentions with him/her
Share your intentions with the person you are dating. Do it relatively early on, not six months into seeing the person. This means explaining your expectations and hopes not only for your own future, but for your future together. Do you hope the relationship grows into something long-term, or do you plan to split up? Talk instead of making assumptions. Different activities and gestures mean different things to different people. Meeting each other’s parents or getting physically intimate automatically equates to a monogamous relationship to some people, but it might mean casual dating to others. Remember, sharing intentions doesn’t mean you have to know specifics like whether this person is right for you now or is the one you want to marry down the road.
3. Be the best version of yourself
You should be able to be yourself around your special person. What are you normally like when it comes to things like hobbies, humor, spirituality or goals? Do you change when you’re around the person? If you behave in ways that are inconsistent with who you really are to satisfy, impress or appease the person, you might be dating the wrong person. Real affection is when someone is into you for you. It comes from a place of acceptance. Gravitate toward the person who celebrates and encourages the authentic you, not the ones who press you to change for them rather than for yourself.
4. Show the person you got them
People mostly feel (and give) affection in one of five main ways, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of best-selling book “The Five Love Languages.” Chapman defines the five love languages as physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and gifts. He advocates communicating your feelings for your partner using the language they mostly identify with.
5. Mind your money
If you want to date one or more people at a time just to have fun, carefree experiences, knock yourself out. Spend whatever you have budgeted and have a great time! But if you’re looking for an intimate relationship and perhaps something more long-term, It’s fairly easy to have a good time with almost anyone when you’re doing fun things like dining at nice restaurants, attending swanky events or living the high life. So, find out if you two have a close bond by doing free or cheap things together. If you are able to feel closeness and have a blast without spending a dime, what’s holding you two together probably has more to do with your dynamic than you simply being a vehicle to fun times.