Dear Dorothy,
I am a 24-year-old woman, and lately I have been struggling with feelings I do not fully understand. I have always dated men, but over the past year I have noticed that I am becoming attracted to women too. At first, I thought it was just admiration, but now I find myself thinking deeply about one particular female friend and feeling jealous when she talks about other people she likes.
I come from a religious family where same sex relationships are frowned upon, so these feelings make me feel confused and guilty. Part of me is scared that something is wrong with me. Another part of me wonders if I have been hiding this side of myself for years.
I cannot talk to my friends or family about it because I fear judgement. I feel isolated and anxious. Why am I attracted to the same sex and what should I do?
Regards,
Yolanda
Dear Yolanda,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with you.
Many people experience attraction in ways they did not expect, and for some, those feelings become clearer as they grow older and understand themselves better. Human attraction is complex. It is not always fixed, simple, or easy to explain.
Some people know their sexuality from a young age, while others discover new feelings later in life. Being attracted to the same sex does not make you abnormal, immoral, or broken. It simply means you are learning more about yourself.
What you are feeling right now may be frightening because it challenges what you were taught growing up. When religion, culture, or family expectations are involved, the emotional conflict can feel overwhelming. That guilt and anxiety often come from fear of rejection rather than from the feelings themselves.
You do not need to rush into labelling yourself immediately. You are allowed to take time to reflect, explore your emotions, and understand what these attractions mean for you personally. Some people identify as bisexual, lesbian, queer, or fluid, while others choose no label at all.
Try not to pressure yourself into finding all the answers at once.
What matters most right now is treating yourself with kindness rather than shame. Keeping everything bottled up may increase your anxiety, so consider speaking with a trusted counsellor or therapist who can offer a safe and non-judgmental space. You deserve support while navigating these emotions.
Also, remember that attraction alone does not define your entire identity. You are still the same thoughtful and valuable person you were before these feelings surfaced.
There is courage in being honest with yourself. Permit yourself to discover who you are without fear or self-hatred.
You are not alone.
Best wishes,
Dorothy