Dear Dorothy,
I have always been careful with money. Some people would say too careful. I track every naira, avoid unnecessary spending, and rarely indulge myself. On paper, I am doing everything right. I have savings, no debt, and a clear financial plan.
The problem is that I do not feel happy. I watch my friends travel, celebrate milestones, and enjoy small pleasures without overthinking it. Meanwhile, I hesitate to spend even on things I genuinely need or would enjoy. I tell myself I am being responsible, but it often feels like I am just denying myself.
Lately, I have started to wonder what the point of all this discipline is if I am not actually enjoying my life. At the same time, the idea of loosening my grip on money makes me anxious. I am afraid of losing control or falling into bad habits.
How do I find a balance between being financially responsible and actually living?
Yours,
Careful to a Fault
Dear Christiana,
It sounds like you have built something many people struggle to achieve: financial stability and discipline. That is no small feat. However, you have also discovered an important truth. Money is a tool, not the end goal.
Saving without living can become its own form of imbalance. Just as reckless spending can create problems, so can extreme restriction. Life is not meant to be a constant exercise in holding back.
The anxiety you feel about spending is worth paying attention to. It suggests that, for you, money is tied not just to security but to control and perhaps even to fear. That fear may come from past experiences, upbringing, or simply a desire to avoid uncertainty. While understandable, it should not run your entire life.
Start small. You do not need to transform overnight. Set aside a specific amount each month as your enjoyment fund. This is money you are allowed to spend without guilt. Treat it as seriously as your savings. Whether it goes towards a nice meal, a short trip, or something you have wanted for a while, the goal is to practise spending with intention rather than fear.
It may also help to redefine what enjoyment means to you. It does not have to look like extravagant holidays or constant outings. Sometimes it is as simple as buying a book you have been putting off, taking a day off to rest, or investing in experiences that bring you genuine satisfaction.
Balance is not about abandoning discipline. It is about creating room for both security and joy. You have already mastered one side of that equation. Now it is time to permit yourself to explore the other.
You are not losing control by living your life. You are making use of it.
Yours,
Dorothy