Dear Aunt,
I am a 27-year-old woman, and I have struggled with stuttering since childhood. Growing up, people laughed at me in school, and even now, I notice people finishing my sentences or avoiding conversations with me because I take time to speak.
It has affected my confidence so much that I avoid speaking during meetings at work, and I hardly make new friends. Sometimes, I rehearse simple greetings in my head before saying them. I feel ashamed whenever I stutter badly in public.
My family tells me to “relax” or “speak slowly” as if it is something I can easily control. I often feel embarrassed and wonder if anyone will ever truly listen to me without judging me.
How do I stop feeling ashamed of the way I speak?
Regards,
Vera
Dear Vera,
First, you need to know that your stutter does not make you less intelligent, less capable, or less worthy of being heard. Many people who stutter grow up carrying emotional scars caused by teasing, impatience, or misunderstanding from others. What you are feeling is understandable, but shame should not become your identity.
A stutter is a speech condition, not a character flaw. The problem is often not the stutter itself, but the way society reacts to it. People may interrupt or finish your sentences because they are uncomfortable with pauses, not because your thoughts lack value. Their impatience says more about them than it does about you.
It is also important to stop measuring your worth by how “perfectly” you speak. Communication is far more than flawless words. Your ideas, kindness, humour, intelligence, and presence matter too. Some of the most inspiring people in the world have lived with stutters and still built meaningful relationships and successful careers.
You may benefit from working with a speech therapist if you are not already seeing one. Therapy can help with speech techniques, but it can also rebuild confidence around communication. Joining support groups, whether online or in person, can remind you that you are not alone in this experience.
At work, start permitting yourself to speak even when you fear stumbling. You do not have to wait until you sound “perfect” before contributing your thoughts. Confidence grows through practice, not avoidance. The more you silence yourself, the more power shame gains over you.
Most importantly, be kinder to yourself. You have spent years surviving situations that made you anxious and self-conscious. That takes strength. Your voice deserves space in this world exactly as it is. The people who truly matter will listen with patience and respect.
Best,
Dorothy