Hit him Lord! Hit him.
A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, “Pastor, I will contribute $1,000.”
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.
He promptly stood back up and shouted, “Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000.”
Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, “Pastor, I will double my last pledge.” He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head.
He stood up once more and hollered, “Pastor, I will give $20,000!”
This prompted a deacon to shout, “Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!”
QUARTERLY SERMON.
A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and thanked him for his discourse. “I found it so helpful,” she said.
The minister replied: “I hope it will not prove as helpful as the last sermon you heard me preach.”
“Why, what do you mean?” asked the astonished woman.
“Well,” said the minister, “that sermon lasted you three months.”
The Offering
Pastor’s Announcement Before Offering:
“I would like to remind you that what you are about to give is tax deductible, cannot be taken with you, and it is considered in the Bible that the love of this is the root of all evil.”
THE SUNDAY JOKE
The poor thing was a perfect specimen of unblessed womanhood. She had a pug nose, buck teeth, a wrinkled face, and a sagging chin. Besides she was way overweight with a head of hair that looked for the entire world like a worn out mop. After looking her over for some moments, the beauty parlor attendant muttered, “I can see one hope.” “What’s that?” eagerly asked the woman. The attendant solemnly declared, “Reincarnation.”