“Do not leave things lying around.” A short sentence but there is gold in it. When you leave things lying around, you run the risk of them no longer being yours. They get acquired.
It has happened before and it will happen again.
Some experiences are painful, others less so. It’s always worse when you don’t like the person and further still when you don’t know the person, either way you have to let them do it. You don’t have a choice. Hence the golden rule. If you forget the golden rule, you end up hearing something along the lines of “Yemisi, I really like that your bag/dress/jacket/bracelet,” and the die is cast.
You can pretend not to hear the words, which is pointless,t because in all likelihood hey will be repeated, loudly, which makes things awkward. You can smile, say thanks and attempt to shift the conversation whilst simultaneously attempting to shove said item under your bed. Also pointless, but it buys some time, the conversation will still end up at how your item is exactly what he/she is looking for, the texture, the style, the colour and overall brilliance of your item simply can’t be matched.
People like this are the polite ones because they at least engage in a dance of pretence, the pretence being that you actually have a choice. Those that are less polite straight up ask/demand you give up the goods or just inform you that your item has switched ownership.
This acquisition of other people’s goods seems like a sort of custom if you like. If someone tells you they like something of yours it’s expected that you will give it to them. After all, being from the UK means you can simply ‘get another one,’ that you’re automatically more privileged and so the item doesn’t matter much, and even if it does, well, you can live without.
Sometimes this is partially true and taps into what I like to call ‘Diaspora guilt’ which leads to thoughts like : What kind of person are you for not wanting to give away something like this? You’re being spoilt and selfish! Don’t you realise how privileged you are? You can’t take any of these things with you when you die so why are you holding on to it?
Apart from the fact that sometimes, for various reasons you can’t just ‘get another one,’ and other times you just don’t want to, you want that one, the one you bought. Or at least it’s going to be given away can it be an actual choice? Is that really so unreasonable?
Perhaps not, but each time I hear those fateful words, I mentally wave my item goodbye. My mind will briefly linger on the experiences we’d never share and the trips we’d never go on. As the person lovingly smiles, admiring their latest acquisition, I smile too, and say nothing.
This is an adapted version of an earlier blog post.
Image: https://cdn.sheknows.com