Dear Dorothy,
I have been married for seven years to a wonderful man. We are very close and have built a peaceful home together. The only thing missing is a child. We have tried everything within our means, including medical tests and treatments. Everything seems fine with both of us, yet nothing is happening.
At first, we remained hopeful, believing it was only a matter of time. But now the questions from family and even friends are becoming more pointed. I find myself avoiding gatherings just to escape the comments and pitying looks. My husband tells me to ignore them, but it is easier said than done. I feel like a failure as a woman and worry that he might one day resent me, even if he does not show it now.
How do I live with this aching emptiness without falling apart?
— Jasmin
Dear Jasmin,
First and foremost, I want you to take a deep breath and remember that you are not alone in this journey. What you are experiencing is painful and deeply personal, and it is entirely natural to feel the weight of it.
It is also important to remind yourself that your worth is not defined by your ability to bear children. You are already a whole and valuable person, and your marriage is already a real and meaningful one. The love and bond you share with your husband are no less powerful simply because you have not had a child.
Society can be unkind in its assumptions. People often speak carelessly, not realising the depth of what they are saying. You are not obligated to answer anyone’s questions, nor do you need to explain your private life. Guard your peace. If certain events leave you drained or upset, you are well within your rights to decline them.
It is heartening that your husband is supportive. Continue talking to each other. Keep your connection strong. If you have not already, consider speaking to a counsellor who specialises in fertility or family challenges. Sometimes, having a neutral space to express your feelings can bring immense relief.
And finally, permit yourself to grieve what you had hoped for, while still making space for joy in your life as it is now. Parenthood can take many forms. Whether through adoption, mentoring, fostering, or simply nurturing those around you with love and care, you can still lead a deeply fulfilling life.
Your journey is valid. Your story is still unfolding. Hold on to hope, but also make peace with the present. You are more than enough.
With warmth,
Dorothy