By Yemisi Adegoke
‘Sister, sorry, no change o’ the waitress shrugged.
I glanced at her ‘OK,’ I said cheerily, I didn’t mind waiting around for a few minutes while she found some. The waitress went back to work, frantically serving the myriad of other customers, my friends and I continued talking. Some time had passed and the waitress had not returned to us, so I called her over.
She seemed puzzled when I asked her for my balance.
‘Sister, no change o,’ she said.
Confused I asked again, causing her to look at me as if I’d asked her the flavour of the water on Mars. It was if we had accidentally stumbled into a sort of Mexican standoff, I kept asking her for my money and she kept repeating herself. I started to get irritated. No change? What does that mean exactly?
I pay and I get my change right?
Wrong.
It’s as though there’s a shortage of change in Lagos as the phrase ‘no change o’ is bandied around as often as ‘hello.’ Buses, restaurants, hairdressers supermarkets, the phrase is uttered accompanied by a resigned ‘this-isn’t-my-problem’ shrug.
Lots of things wind me up about this and more often than not it’s not about the money. That said it is my money and I’m owed it, the Americans taught me all about tipping waitresses but having my change held hostage is not the same as me leaving it willingly, whether it’s 500 naira or 5,000, the principle remains the same.
It kind of violates the whole law of transaction. I fulfill my part of the bargain by buying and paying full price for a drink/outfit/recharge card, so why can’t I get my change? I doubt any outlet would agree to me shrugging my shoulders and saying I couldn’t pay the full amount for an item, because well, I won’t have change to get home, it’s ridiculous.
But what really gets on my nerves is the vacant stare that accompanies the phrase, the ‘this-is-the-way-things-are-so-tough’ attitude, as if the onus is not on the person, it’s not their problem, it’s yours, customer service leaves a lot to be desired here, but that’s another column entirely.
When I first arrived here, I was still too much of a britico to really say much. British culture is all about minimal fuss making, of course it irked me on principle, but whatever, it wasn’t that much of a big deal, it’s not like it was ever a life changing amount of money, but the longer I stuck around the more irritated I became, because this happened everyday, not once, not twice, but multiple times.
‘No change o!’ ‘Sorry o no change!’ ‘Sister change no dey!’ Or my personal favourite ‘When you come next time come and collect your change.’
No, enough was enough.
I started to demand it, ‘If you don’t have it, you can go and find it, I’ll wait for you.’ Lo and behold most of the time they do, even if it is grudingly. I do try to minismise these encounters by trying to ensure I always have small change on my person, I’ve been told that this is solely a Lagos thing as friends from other states never encounter this problem.
Do any of you guys get as annoyed by this as me? Let me know in the comments!
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