Dorothy C. Anyiam-Osigwe
Dear Dorothy,
I am a married woman. One day, while I was brooding over a misunderstanding with my husband, the song “(I Never Promised You A) Rose Garden,” popularized by country music singer Lynn Anderson, played over the radio. I began to reflect on the lyrics of a song with respect to my relationship with my husband, and how most of the sweet promises made were never really kept. Dorothy, I think it would be good to write to ladies, that they should not take all things a man says hook, line and sinker.
My dear,
What you said is very sound and succinct; and I will share with my readers. Most men like to promise ladies the moon. I think that men should stop and think through the promises they make. But to be fair, we ladies also promise the moon to men as well. When it comes to marriage, my advice is that we should be mindful of the promises we make especially during the period of courtship, when we realise the relationship is serious and would likely lead to marriage. Once married, there is a tendency to forget (or pretend to forget) all those promises made and go “I BEG YOUR PARDON…”
1. I beg your pardon I never promised you a rose garden
Along with the sunshine there’s gotta be a little rain sometime
Marriage is definitely not a rose garden, even roses have thorns. Since we know this, why make promises? A promise of sunshine forever can never be delivered. Of course in marriage there will be many days of sunshine, rainy days too, stormy weather but it will blow over if everyone keeps their head … the sunshine will break through the clouds. That is what should be said.
2. When you take you gotta give so live and let live and let go oh oh oh oh
I beg your pardon I never promised you a rose garden
For any relationship to work, both partners have to take as well as give. There can be no selfishness in the relationship. Both have to live and let live and let go.
3. I could promise you things like big diamond rings
But you don’t find roses growin’ on stalks of clover
So you better think it over
It is important that you know that marriage is not a lucky dip; it is something that should be embarked upon with clear eyes and realistic expectations. Big diamond rings are great and lovely to wear, but marriage is more than that; and it is important to always remember that.
4 Well, if sweet-talking you could make it come true
I would give you the world right now on a silver platter
But what would it matter
Sweet-talk may keep the romance going in a marriage, but the maturity and reality that comes in the daily grind of a marriage reveals what is more important is that each partner be truthful and faithful and cherish the other as their one and only.
5. So smile for a while and let’s be jolly love shouldn’t be so melancholy
Come along and share the good times while we can
The true joy in a marriage is sharing both the good times, and the bad times; having someone by your side to make all the moments of life more meaningful.
6. I could sing you a tune and promise you the moon
But if that’s what it takes to hold you I’d just as soon let you go
Do not promise the moon; promise genuine love, togetherness, honesty, and honest open communication. Promise what matters, what it takes to hold someone till death do you part. Mean the promises and keep them.
7. But there’s one thing I want you to know
You’d better look before you leap still waters run deep
And there won’t always be someone there to pull you out
And you know what I’m talking about
What were the promises made – just material diamond rings? Or was it faithfulness and constant companionship? Before we decide to cut anyone loose because of failed promises, we should think long and hard about what the promises entailed; and if indeed our partner tried the utmost to fulfill promises made.
8. So smile for a while and let’s be jolly love shouldn’t be so melancholy
Love is not melancholic; love bears all things, hopes all things and smiles even in the midst of great upheavals.
9. Come along and share the good times while we can
Promise to stay truthful and loving; sharing the good times and the bad times through life’s various adventures with one another all they days of our lives.
Chief (Mrs.) Dorothy C. Anyiam-Osigwe OON is an Agony Columnist, Writer and Company Executive.
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