Dear Dorothy,
I have just turned 35, and instead of feeling excited about the future, I feel anxious. Every birthday makes me think about the years slipping away. I notice new lines on my face, friends are getting married, some already have children, and people keep asking me when I will “settle down”.
I worry that I am running out of time to achieve everything I dreamed of. Social media does not help because it feels as though everyone else has their life perfectly organised while I am falling behind.
I have started avoiding birthday celebrations because they remind me that I am getting older. Is it normal to feel this way? How do I stop being so afraid of ageing?
-Wuraola
Dear Wuraola,
First, let me assure you that you are far from alone. Many people quietly struggle with the fear of ageing, even if they never admit it. Birthdays have a way of making us reflect on our lives, and it is easy to compare our own journey with someone else’s carefully edited highlights.
The truth is that ageing is often portrayed as something to fear, especially in a world that celebrates youth, flawless appearances and rapid success. Yet growing older is not the enemy. It is a privilege that many people never get to experience.
It sounds as though your fear is not really about wrinkles or birthdays. It is about the worry that you have somehow missed your chance. That feeling can be incredibly heavy, but it is also worth questioning.
Life is not a race with a single finish line. People reach important milestones at different stages. Some marry in their twenties, others in their forties. Some discover their dream career after years of trying different paths. Some become parents later in life, while others choose a completely different definition of happiness.
There is no universal timetable.
Social media can make it seem as though everyone is thriving, but remember that people usually post their celebrations, not their uncertainties. Behind many smiling photographs are people dealing with disappointments, doubts and unanswered questions of their own.
Instead of counting the years, try counting the experiences you have gained. Think about the lessons you have learnt, the friendships you have built, the challenges you have overcome and the person you have become. These are achievements that rarely appear on a timeline but matter deeply.
If your birthdays have become a source of anxiety, perhaps it is time to change what they represent. Rather than seeing them as reminders of what you have not done, see them as opportunities to reflect on what you still want to create. The future has not closed its doors simply because another year has passed.
It may also help to set small, meaningful goals instead of focusing on everything you think should have happened already. Learn that new skill. Take the trip you have postponed. Start the business idea you keep talking yourself out of. Build the life that excites you today rather than mourning the life you imagined years ago.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Your worth has never been measured by your age, your relationship status or how closely your life matches someone else’s expectations.
Growing older means growing wiser, stronger and more resilient. Every line on your face tells a story of laughter, resilience and life lived. That is not something to hide from. It is something to honour.
Celebrate your birthday. Celebrate your progress. Celebrate the fact that your story is still being written.
With warmth,
Dorothy