LAUGH QUOTE
Relationship starts with Can we talk?
And ends with We need to talk.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: Excuse me sir, is this the end of the line?
WISE GUY: No, it’s the front, we’re all standing backward!
TEACHER AND STUDENT
Quantum physics
Two students talk:
– What are you reading?
– Quantum physics theory book.
– but why are you reading it upside-down?
– It makes no difference anyway.
DATING JOKE
In the morning
– Honey, would you like me to bring coffee to the bed?
– No, darling, I will come to have breakfast with you.
– Would you like to have scrambled eggs, my love?
– Sure, kitty, two eggs, please.
– Wait, you don’t remember my name either, do you?
BUSINESS JOKE
Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by “A B C D E F”?
A – almost gone
B – barely noticeable
C – comfortable
D – damn good
E – extremely big and
F – Fake
CUTTING COMMENT
For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. – Douglas Adams
MARRIED LIFE
CRAZY PICK UP
Dave’s wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave! How are ya?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual.
His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink.”
“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.
“Hi, Davey,” she says, “Want your usual lap dance?”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!”