What The Lagos Spirit Does To Lagosians

By Bimbola Segun-Amao

There was this unruly company driver that confirmed my suspicions about the ‘Gidi Spirit’; he would exercise no patience while driving and when called to order would say ‘Madam, if you dey drive you go understand how e be, one spirit go enter you, you go do as I dey do’. There is a spirit in Lagos, you hardly find it else where. I call it the ‘Gidi Spirit’.

When the Gidi Spirit takes hold of you, it makes you charge at a bus like a wild ox at the bus-stop, it doesn’t matter that there are just 5 of you waiting at the bus-stop. When you drive under the influence of the Gidi-Spirit, you can’t wait 30 seconds at the junction for another car, even though it’s obvious your car’s movement would obstruct traffic. It’s the Gidi Spirit; sometimes it doesn’t allow for reasoning.

When the Gidi spirit takes a hold of you, you drop off your 3 year old in School by 6.00am, whether she’s awake or not, you don’t pick her up until 6pm. She has to match up to your pace; there’s no dulling in Lagos and it applies to the tender ones too. It’s the Gidi Spirit; it puts your life on automated speed even when direction is lacking.

When the Gidi Spirit takes hold of you, you mind your own business as the car in front is being robbed. You don’t make no moves to hoot or even flash lights to distract the robbers; this is Lagos, every man for himself. The Gidi Spirit makes you overlook so many things, including your helpless hungry neighbour.

Now, when the Gidi Spirit has fully possessed you, your game changes. You have to change accommodation to the Island for that is where the ‘big folks’ are. It doesn’t matter your income is just about N200k  and the rent is $1K per month, you’ll survive on side hustles and toil for your Landlord. It’s the Gidi Spirit; it steps up your game detrimentally.

Under full possession of the Gidi Spirit, your children attend the costliest school in the neighbourhood; that’s where the Stephen’s children attend too. Summer has to be in California, Canada or Florida; it doesn’t matter if the school fees has been paid or not. You have to live like the Jones, not minding if you go broke trying to appear rich. It’s the Gidi Spirit, propelling you to appear better than your neighbour.

When where to eat matters more than the food itself, you are ‘Eating Under Influence’ and the Gidi Spirit is responsible for this. When lunch is always fries, chicken or pizza because you cannot afford to be seen at the local restaurant that sells other delicacies, you have been duly influenced.

The Gidi Spirit is thankfully responsible for glamour and paparazzi. It ensures babes show up at every carpet; red, black, green or purple looking like super models in different sizes and shapes. The spirit makes sure there’s a carpet for almost every event, from book lunch to birthdays, child dedication and every -ish one can think of, and the babes show up always. Thank you Gidi Spirit.

Does the spirit use and dump you or it has taken a full hold of you? Whatever, remember to get deliverance if you ever decide to move out of Lagos. The evidences of the Gidi Spirit may not be suitable elsewhere.