Dear Dorothy,
I am a man in my late thirties and my wife is just turning 30. We have been married for 6 years. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship. However, I am bothered by the fact that my wife never initiates sexual contact between us. Furthermore, she does not show physical affection for me. We dated for 5 years before we tied the knot. During our courtship days, it was the same scenario.
I am always the one reaching for her hand, or initiating a hug or a squeeze. She says she loves me, but her physical response to me does not support what she is saying. I am the demonstrative type and her lack of “playfulness” and desire for loving contact has me worried. How can I get her to show a more open attraction and fondness for me?
My Dear,
You dated each other for so many years, and despite the fact that she did not display any form of “playfulness” towards you, you still went ahead to get married to her. So your wife’s lack of open demonstrations of affection like holding hands and initiating sexual contact so far in your marriage should not come as a surprise to you.
My conclusion is that you love her the way she is, but you are also honest about your own feelings. My only advice to you is to let her know the way you feel – your wants and desires. Tell her how you want her to show more affection towards you.
In reality, people have different levels of desire as well as comfort in initiating sexual activity. Take steps to help her to be more expressive, and be specific by telling her exactly what you want and need. And perhaps more importantly, listen to what she has to say. Maybe there are some issues in her past that prevents her from being more demonstrative.
Take it easy with her. Although she may not be openly demonstrative, I am sure that deep down she appreciates that you are openly demonstrative and affectionate towards her and that you love and desire her. So, continue to stay true to yourself and be sincere in your relationship.
Good luck.
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