Dear Dorothy
The man in my life is kind and loving, and our relationship has been wonderful. We’ve been together for nearly five years. But while most of our friends are getting married, he has never broached the subject of marriage. When I do bring it up, he says there’s plenty of time for us to settle down and we should just enjoy life for the time being.
I am very concerned, and a bit hurt by his attitude. I will be thirty soon, and would like to settle down and have children. I need him to make up his mind one way or the other about our getting married. That he refuses to even consider marriage makes me wonder if he really does loves me and wants us to stay together. Should I give him an ultimatum?
My Dear,
Five years is in my opinion more than enough for a couple to court, get to know each other quite well, and to make up their minds if they want to spend the rest of their lives as husband and wife.
I would not advice you to give him an ultimatum since they often tend to close discussions, rather than open them up. It sounds as if your boyfriend is quite comfortable with the way things are in the relationship. Rather than give him an ultimatum, find a suitable time to tell him your concerns, how this impasse is affecting you emotionally, and your plans for a future together with him. Point out that after the considerable length of time you have been courting, you think it time to, as they say in old fashioned lingo “make an honest woman of you”.
It is really important that you both sit down and sort out where you are going with your relationship. Once both of you understand how exactly each other feels, you might come to an agreement. Good luck.