It’s a question that has echoed through generations, often posed with a smile that masks the pressure behind it: “So, when will you marry?” Whether you’re at a family gathering, a friend’s wedding, or even just chatting with a well-meaning neighbour, the question can feel like a loaded one, especially if you’re not currently planning a wedding or even in a relationship.
In many cultures, particularly in Africa, marriage is seen not just as a personal milestone but as a collective one. It’s often treated as a rite of passage and a marker of maturity or success. Yet, people are increasingly choosing to marry later, focus on their careers, travel the world, or simply take their time with love. So, how can you answer the question without losing your cool or your sense of humour?
Here are a few thoughtful and tactful ways to handle it.
1. Keep it light
Sometimes, a little humour goes a long way. A witty remark like, “I’m waiting for my invitation to Prince Harry’s second wedding,” can ease the tension and steer the conversation in a lighter direction. Not every question needs a serious answer, especially when it’s not asked in a serious tone.
2. Set boundaries with grace
If you find the question intrusive or if it’s asked too often, you have every right to politely deflect. A simple, “That’s something I’ll keep private for now,” or “I’d rather not talk about that today,” sets clear boundaries while remaining respectful.
3. Be honest, if you feel comfortable
Sometimes, honesty is the best response. If you’re single or not currently thinking about marriage, saying something like, “I’m focusing on other areas of my life right now,” or “I believe it’ll happen at the right time,” can help manage expectations while staying true to yourself.
4. Redirect the conversation
If the question comes from a place of curiosity rather than criticism, you might choose to redirect the conversation to something more meaningful. Ask them about their own experiences with relationships or marriage, or shift the focus to your recent accomplishments or plans. This not only changes the subject but also gives people insight into what matters to you.
5. Remember, you’re not obliged to answer
This is key: you are not required to explain your relationship status to anyone. If someone persists or makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s perfectly acceptable to smile and excuse yourself from the conversation.
Marriage can be beautiful, but so is living authentically. Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, divorced, or contentedly unmarried, your life has value and meaning beyond the confines of traditional expectations.