Dear Dorothy,
I am writing because I feel stuck and ashamed. I started taking drugs at parties to fit in with friends, but it has slowly become something I cannot control. I now find myself thinking about it during the day and spending money I cannot afford on it. I have tried to stop but I keep going back.
My family does not know the full extent of what is happening, and I am scared of disappointing them. I still go to work, but my focus is poor and I feel like I am living a double life. I want to stop but I do not know how. I am also worried that if I speak up, people will judge me or cut me off.
Please what should I do?
From Keisha
Dear Keisha,
Thank you for trusting me with something so personal. What you have described is more common than many people admit, and the fact that you are concerned about it is an important first step.
What you are experiencing is not a lack of willpower. Repeated substance use can change how the brain responds to pleasure, stress and decision making. That is why stopping on your own can feel difficult even when you genuinely want to.
The most important thing right now is not secrecy but support. You do not need to face this alone. Speaking with a trained professional, such as a doctor, counsellor or addiction support service, can give you a clear plan that fits your situation. These services are used to help people who are exactly where you are now, and confidentiality is usually part of their practice.
It may also help to choose one trusted person in your life, perhaps a family member or close friend, and tell them what has been happening. You do not need to share everything at once, but allowing someone to know can reduce the pressure you are carrying.
Try to avoid situations that make use more likely, especially in social settings where it is offered. Replace those moments with activities that keep your mind and body engaged, such as exercise, creative work or structured routines. Cravings often pass, even when they feel intense in the moment.
Most importantly, be patient with yourself. Recovery is rarely a straight path. There may be setbacks, but they do not erase progress. What matters is continuing to reach for help and not isolating yourself.
You are already taking a meaningful step by speaking about it. Keep going in that direction and allow others to support you through it.
Regards,
Dorothy